Sunday, November 30, 2014

Drunk Talk

The way you are , you will get the people alike. If you are a listener , then and only then you will get people  who can listen. This is the Law. The way one is , will attract the people like oneself.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Force Material and Attitude

I had a very interesting moment today , when i saw that the sadness or depression is inside me. My very first reaction was to find the root cause , why this is happening and how can one get rid of this material / forces.

Thankfully i had some attention left over in me , i then tried to see the sensation / emotional pain without any cause. Pushed all possible 'reasons' aside i was trying to experience the force. It was very heavy and i was not able to hold it. Was moving in all my rooms as it was not bearable. Few times more i tried to experience the material without any reasons. But most of the time that moment of 'experience' without any tag , logic was very small.

At one of the moment , in between the sensations and forces felt as if this is some kind of ritual. The material which is here , was being honored , wit respect i approached and did not react. Usual reaction is either to cling to the forces by constantly wanting it or by rejecting it by wanting to get rid of it as soon as possible. To not to react to the forces is Such an respect to the force itself. It felt like a sacred process to me , for that moment.

Amazing world !

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Exercise for the next six month

Group exercise :

To explore what does it mean that the emotions are by product of the tempo of the body and the mind.

Personal exercise :

To be able to have a taste of the space where impulse hit and my attitude toward the action under the force. Am I tensed at those moment ? Can I be more relaxed there without hurry ?

I see that most of the time , the place where the impulse comes from is a space filled with energy violent. 

Its 23 October , its been more then a month post Work Period. I am now not able to touch or feel that space. Not any more. Today while I was boarding ,going to home tried to see how relaxed I was internally. Found that I have lost the contact. It seems that there is a wall build there by myself.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Take it

The moment of tension is an indicator of the difference of the vivifyingness of the inner condition and the surrounding nature. To stay there is ; a wish to absorb the falling impression and to make it a part of yourself. Its wise and dangerous at the same time.

Changing the coordinate

Earlier the outer conditioning mattered to me , not intellectually but in reality. But today when I was involved with this finer attention which passed through. I realized that where one is , does not matter. What matter is the state at one is , quality of attention present at the moment. Washing dishes or whipping the floor is immaterial , at what emotion one has what intention one has matters.

Energy Force and Center

If the anger is here then my emotions thoughts and sensation will tell me something about the force. The property of this force plus my corresponding logic behind the kind of anger surfaced.

Through center we recognizes the forces passing by.

Role Playing

The biggest obstacle in role playing is to overcome emotions passing by , which  comes naturally by surrounding conditions.Also it's difficult to ignore the ideas one have. Add to go against the sensations.Only Will can take us through.

Internal tissue

I see from the pattern in me , that I absorbed more rajsik material then the tamsic one. As if the tissues in me are more receptive to Rajsik forces passing by. The so called definition of shy, introvert is nothing but another notion of saying that the DNA is more rajsik inclination.
We at the same time can overcome the rajsik behavior by using will. But it's interesting to see all if it. Assumption here is that the body and DNA is a combination of Karmic cycle of mine.

Insight of an Insight

Saw the movement of attention during the insight. At that moment the attention just passed through us and for that moment whatever we think see or ponder it gets wrapped in it and show us the Reality. That reality is of the very high order depends on the quality of the attention passing through. What play of attention.

Summer Exercise 2014

So finally my 3 month exercise is over where I have to experience the heat in my body. Aim is to be there when the heat passes through and not to react to it.

What I saw is that I was there but intensity of the moment was such that i use to react to other people's reaction.

Experienced some different kind of sensations and it was very fulfilling.

Emotional reaction

When have to decide what should I eat , be it lunch dinner or breakfast. I always want that for that dish have special feeling. There are times when logically and physically the food I  ate was not good for me but I always want to eat what my emotions order me to eat.

Does it has something to do with my subconscious mind. Since my conscious mind is not able to see my subconscious pattern , its difficult for us to map the behavior which originates from our subconscious mind. 

Knowledge and Understanding

Insight is a way we download intelligent  from knowledge to understanding or
  from conscious to subconscious.

Releasing material

Have taken the exercise of not logging in fb as my laptop have some problem. I saw this huge urge to check my feed.

Next day I saw it again. It comes and goes. When I am exhausted with work and want a small release of energy negative frustration I want to go to fb as this is a energy pathway I have approved it already. Pathway where I find myself reaction to whatever news I read. Not doing that has some psychological effect.

On Wednesday I saw the urge of smoking , the intensity was high. I Dont smoke on regular days unless there is an event. Saw it when the urge was on peak , thanked everyone and got material for not smoking it. Ate gulbjamun instead.

Taking impression

Times when I am with zero attention ,  at those moments when I am finding difficult to come back to body and breath or the situation when I am finding difficulty coping up my fears , I see there that the chant of ' It will get over , its just a phase'.

At times it helped me to give me pseudo grounding for fraction of second but now they have become prime obstacle between me and the present moment. I feel they do eat out some impression and I am not liking it.

Taking a bath

Taking bath seems to me a sacred process. Post office I feel a bit tensed physically and emotionally and its not that easy to cope. When started taking bath all this summer I saw that post bath the whole organism is changed , the pours of the body have their own life cycle and when we take bath is shows gratitude in their own language.
When angry or depressed or frustrated body Do release some material , very similar to when we puke. Taking bath seems to be a process when we remove  unwanted material from the mouth of the pours we have all across the body.

This small process do changes everything.


Was involved in buying products online. Bought a passport holder , declined a watch online and constantly find myself buying something or the other.
Wonder what is the emotion in me. Its Like i WANT things. An emptiness inside which I am trying to fill it up. Not honoring this material which has descend in me. To nourish the material and respect it rather then replace it.

Later that day i got the mail from Harish.

Mercury planet of communiation :-)

 Things one can possibly Watch for in oneself?
1. Watch Out for Accidents. Because people aren't thinking or in a hurry, there's a higher propensity for accidents to occur out of the ordinary. Over these three weeks, be mindful of circumstances where you're likely to be careless because you're under stress or engaged in risk-taking activities. During the retrograde you'll often read about athletes who have weird accidents or unexpected injuries.
2. Avoid Arguing or Fighting. That means even if you love to debate - do your best impression of Mahatma Gandhi during the retrograde. Don't argue with anyone in your day-to-day life, especially, lovers, friends, co-workers or your boss. No matter how well you normally communicate with these people, you'll find yourself misspeaking, saying the wrong thing and having disagreements you don't normally have. There is a very high propensity for mutual misunderstanding. Avoid being critical or to trying to push your own agenda. This is a time to listen to those you interact with. Be willing to throw out fixed ideas and agree to have an open discussion without trying to reach a final decision on any matter.
3. Delay Buying Boats, Cars, Motorcycles or Bicycles. Since Mercury rules transportation, any driving vehicle you buy is likely to be unreliable in some way; so it's not an ideal time to buy one because it may be a "lemon." Instead, research your favorites, test drive them, and then go home and evaluate your choices. Be ready to make your decision when Mercury goes direct.
4. Minimize Travel. These days, traveling is already filled with built-in hassles and stress. But they are amplified far more during these three weeks. If you can't put certain trips on hold, just be aware that you can expect an unusual amount of last-minute flight cancellations, meeting postponements and long transportation delays. Allow extra time when traveling; make sure your bags are very secure. Take extra precautions, because during this time they're more likely to be lost or stolen. (I bring my bags on the plane for this reason.) Re-confirm your reservations. Be patient and practice acceptance of the fact that inefficiencies are part of the retrograde. Slow down.
5. Don't Purchase Electronic Equipment, especially computers or phones. The planet Mercury rules computers and communication devices such as phones. When it goes retrograde, equipment of all kinds, suddenly do not operate correctly. Your fail-proof computer crashes or you end up buying the "computer from hell" - the one that had a defect when it was made at the factory. If you need to buy equipment, make sure to get a long-term warranty. Expect glitches to occur with any new software you install. Since hard drives can fail more often during this period, make sure to back them up ahead of time.
6. Hold Off Starting a New Project. This is not a fortuitous time to launch a new enterprise; it's a time for considering and evaluating it. While it's a great time to discuss a new idea, it's not a good time to make that "big presentation," that requires the support of others. During the retrograde people may either not understand it or oppose it. Or, you may find out later you left out a vitally important detail that you didn't think of. If your project is adopted, it may either fail or have to be totally restructured at a later date to succeed.
7. Avoid Signing Commitment Agreements. You're likely to skip over important details and regret it later on when you realize what you've forgotten. There's something you don't know that you'll find out when Mercury goes direct. For these reasons, it's a horrible time for negotiating contracts or making decisions. Avoid entering into any agreements or signing any legal documents unless you're prepared to make serious revisions in the future.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Law of Karma , compiled

From Tantrik :

  • Identification of an action ( Mental , emotional , Physical ) bounds you to the Karma.

  • Karma has an enormous momentum. The thought patterns, the emotional patterns, the reactive patterns.

  • Every time you identify with a thought that arises, which is form, you are born into that thought. Your identity, your sense of self is in it. That’s karma. Your karma is the unconscious identification with these patterns that you have inherited – the conditioned. It is complete identification of consciousness with the conditioned patterns.

  • Karma is the complete absence of conscious Presence. It is automatic.

  • In the light of awareness, the patterns no longer dominate your life.
  • As Presence arises, you are freed from karma.
  • There is ultimately really only one teacher, the awakened Consciousness is the teacher.

  • Whatever emotion I cause another to experience must ultimately become my own experience.
  • Whoever or whatever is compelling me or repelling me and whatever I am experiencing – is the consequence of my own prior thoughts, decisions and actions. Understanding the Law of Karma gives deep significance to concepts such as responsibility and justice.

  • The Law of Karma begins to work to my advantage when I stop habitual actions that are harmful, take responsibility to positively address the consequences of any such actions performed in the past, and pay attention to performing positive actions from this moment forward.

  • Karma means action, means "to do".It is dynamic.

  • Newton who formulated the law which states that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction. In the moral sphere of conscious actions, we have a counterpart to the physical law of action and reaction, the law that every intentional, will action must have its effect.

  • Desire is a tremendous force, and must be directed in the right channels, or chaos ensues.

  • Acknowledging your karmic source is the first step towards breaking free of unwanted life patterns.

  • The single greatest way to resolve past karma is to forgive those who have hurt you and seek a final note of closure. To forgive is to detach, but you must remember to forgive yourself as well.

Random thought

  • Distinction of events by good and bad in a way shows the lack of understanding of the law Karma.
  • Trying to see the possible meaning of the bad side of so-called good event and good side of so-called bad events ; might give us the glimpse of the overall picture of the event.
  • Karma like any other formless object can’t be seen or felt. However Karma manifest in us by our habits. Set of patterns will reflect it. Like everyone has their Karma , one will have his/her own patterns of manifestation.
  • When a painful events passes by , one can say that this ‘might’ be the past deeds which is manifesting. By being aware of the event and oneself one can Stop it. And not let it continue further. Absorbing pain , taking responsibility , Watchfulness.
  • The tamsik behaviour of our habit and pattern can be viewed as a Karmic pattern we carry with ourselves.
  • Attention can’t suffer. Only I suffers.

Raviji  : Preparation of death. To die Daily. To die to our Habits.

Law of Karma and Forgiveness in order to wash away your sins.

  • As we sow so shall we reap.

  • Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

  • An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.

  • “Evil will return on your own head” Samuel 25.39.

  • “If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.”

  • “If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.”

  • Usually we consider time to be a straight line. But actually, there are no straight lines in nature. The horizon looks like a straight line, but on a higher scale it turns out to be a circle. These recurring events don’t look the same from the outside, because the places and people are always changing, but the Inner Meaning of these events can be just the same. And usually they are, because our psycho/emotional make up doesn’t change much over time.
  • Evolution is derived from Karmic Revolution.
  • Everything happens. ( Fair enough , no one have enough will to DO. So let the nature manifest and let my Karmic pattern rule me. )

  1. Usual emotions which comes up , we react to it and as a chain process it goes on and on. This leads to create new Karma all the time. We live here.
  2. Second level is that when we divert our attention , when we see emotions arising. Not to suppress them , but to direct our attention to do something else. Drinking water , some activity involving with intellectual , solving sudoku etc. Intelligent people somehow figure it out to channelize this material.

  1. Third level is where we separate the emotion with the object. We encounter the emotion alone. Say if i see myself getting angry with Rakesh. I focus my attention on the Anger , rather than Rakesh. I BE with the anger either by watching the thought pattern or sensing the body and see the rise in temperature.
  2. The fourth level is when we separate the emotion and the object. Then once this is done we ask ourselves ; who is experiencing the emotion.

  • Every thought, every action that we have and make sets into motion a cause. These causes have their effects. These effects make our lives, for good or ill. We are now, have been, and will go on, making our lives from moment to moment.

  • As we serve, we demonstrate love. As we demonstrate love, by law, we get love. That strengthens and potentizes the individual in a way in which he can deal with his own karma.

Friday, May 9, 2014

5 things to watch

G.I.Gurdjieff :

Observer concurrently five manners of behavior : tone of voice , posture , gesture , movements and facial expression. Why are these five isolated and exclusively dealt with. We are aware of the reception of the impression of others by deduction from the five manners of behavior. We imagine we can report about ourselves what we are feeling and thinking - that we have some intuition or clairvoyance which enables us to know and report our own thoughts and emotions clearly.

Non expression of negative emotion.

As this is a preparation step for Second conscious shock ; Non expression of negative emotion.

From the book : ' Meeting with Louise Welch in Toronto'.

What is negativity ? Force wrongly used. If this forced should be turned to me , I could use it. "Should" and "should not" have nothing to do with it. I need to know myself in any manifestation. It would make all difference in the world.
You asked me about the difference between "suppression" and "non expressing negative emotion" . The term suppression ( or "repression" ) comes from psychoanalysis. Its meaning there, as I understand it , is that buried in the unconscious are certain forces that may blow up. In our self study , we know that if we smile at a someone with whom we are angry, we will take the anger out on someone else. Something is not digested, but suppressed.
"Non-expression" ,as used in the Work, means deliberately refraining from outward expression -- to the degree we can -- honestly seeing the emotion and trying to understand it. For the sake of myself, not others, I try to study how this expression is in me.
In the Work we agree to try to take off our masks, at least here. We take this risk. Just blowing up is a waste of energy, but still more honest then pretense. Violence has to be understood.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Habits list

This week will make a list of all the habits i see in me.


1) Every time i find myself day dreaming , part of my body is tensed. Specially my facial muscles.
2) Not aware of the posture and not sensitive enough to be in the position which is less energy consuming.


1) Things which i 'like' football and surya namaskar , i am always afraid that because of my knee i should be able to play football weekly and do surya namaskar every day.
2) To give into the passing emotions easily.
3) Always rely on the past emotional trajectory and afraid to invite the new emotions.


1) To always think the worst that can happen for the situation i am in.
2) To get into the discussion which is imaginative and time and energy consuming. Behaving without intelligent. 


The act of recognition of two state in me :

When dealing with lower emotions , it uplifts my bring.
When dealing with higher emotions , it downs my being.

Use to blame people earlier for my not guilty sake ...
Then realized its me .
Then started blaming the forces passing by 
Now I see that its the law ; forces are just following the law. And the law just by the law is in perfect harmony .
So what is really happening here ??

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Four exercises

William explaining  :

In the Uttara Tantra, Maitreya teaches Avagosha the ultimate nature of the mind and shares teachings that are meant to clarify all the questions regarding what it is. Avagosha chanted for 12 years to evolve his consciousness to the point where Maitreya could manifest in front of him, dialogue with him and clarify every question he had about this. Inside the discourse are "4 steps to freedom" which are not hard to do. They are also implied in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras and in many teachings. Sometimes they are very clear and sometimes they are less clear.

The four steps are (1) place attention on any object and hold it there. Practice this step until you can concentrate your mind on the object and not wander for five minutes. If you are honest, you will notice how much the thinking mind wanders and find that you have lose your attention often. But with a little practice you will be able to steady the mind on the object with only minor subtle wanderings of attention. Patanjali calls the fulfillment of this exercise a minor liberation. You gain a little freedom when you are able to freely concentrate the mind this way and are able to move outside of lock step with stimulus activating mental conditioning causing a reaction.

(2) With mind steady on the object, then "noticing the noticing". You are aware of the object, now be aware that you are aware. Keep up this noticing the noticing until you can do this for 9 minutes. This is actually a very deep exercise that one can benefit from a lot. It will actually rechemicalize the brain in a positive way and even activate the "time body" where you will be able to see the future. Patanjali mentions a number of siddhis or powers that come from this exercise. He also advises one to not give too much attention to these powers, because it is more important than we enter the "sanity" of enlightenment. Otherwise we will insanely amplify our karma and cause ourselves more suffering.

(3) Shuttle between subject and object, feel like you are touching the object you have chosen and feel the subject you have chosen. If you are using the modality of seeing, it will produce a special sensation in the eyes. If you are listening to music, you will feel a special sensation in the ears. As you are shuttling back and forth, feel what you are moving across. Notice what is not subject or object. This is the "third place". Again do this until you can do it well for about five minutes.

(4) The last step is "dropping subject and object and abiding in awareness as awareness". In Buddhist terms, you realize there is "no self", no subject. It is shifting from "I am aware" to "I am awareness". There is no observer behind the seeing, there is just the seeing. You rest in the seeing by simply being the seeing. This is your natural mind. There are a number of deeper shifts beyond this, but they all depend on this natural abiding.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Monday, March 3, 2014

Yearly task 2014

Time for making a list of exercises i will be taking for the year.

Point wise lists are :
  • Learn Piano.
  • Work with the body.Means will do exercise around Surya Namaskar , Sensation related exercise,Walking meditation and other related with enhancing the physical sensation. To develop the Organic sensation of the physical body.
  • Reading Christian Material. To improvise the Bible knowledge and stories.
  • Work on Divided attention , with keep the sensation as a central point. Two centered exercises in daily life.
  • A.R. Orage books exercise for intellect.
  • To be aware of the quality of attention i have at the moment.
  • Pick exercise from Shiv Sutra , Shiv Sanhita , Shiv Purana.
  • Learn Piano.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Exercise I AM

Task for the week : 

To seek and utter these words aloud or inside , "I AM". To see what happens inside , to see what sensations i am having at the moment and where. To see my current stat. To collect more data. Desire to know who am i ?.

Exercise came from the book.

Reading from 'Life is Only Real When "I AM"'

This is necessary chiefly in order that the consciousness forming in oneself during an active state should continue also during a passive state.

For the correct understanding of the significance of this first assisting exercise, it is first of all necessary to know that when a normal man, that is, a man who already has his real I, his will, and all the other properties of a real man, pronounces aloud or to himself the words "I am," then there always proceeds in him, in his, as it is called, "solar plexus," a so to say "reverberation," that is, something like a vibration, a feeling, or something of the sort.

This kind of reverberation can proceed also in other parts of his body in general, but only on the condition that, when pronouncing these words, his attention is intentionally concentrated on them.

If the ordinary man, not having as yet in himself data for the natural reverberation but knowing of the existence of this fact, will, with conscious striving for the formation in himself of the genuine data which should be in the common presence of a real man, correctly and frequently pronounce these same and for him as yet empty words, and will imagine that this same reverberation proceeds in him, he may thereby ultimately through frequent repetition gradually acquire in himself a so to say theoretical "beginning" for the possibility of a real practical forming in himself of these data.

He who is exercising himself with this must at the beginning, when pronouncing the words "I am," imagine that this same reverberation is already proceeding in his solar plexus.
Here, by the way, it is curious to notice that as a result of the intentional concentration of this reverberation on any part of his body, a man can stop any disharmony which has arisen in this said part of the body, that is to say, he can for example cure his headache by concentrating the reverberation on that part of the head where he has the sensation of pain.

At the beginning it is necessary to pronounce the words "I am" very often and to try always not to forget to have the said reverberation in one's solar plexus.

Without this even if only imagined experiencing of the reverberation, the pronouncing aloud or to oneself of the words "I am" will have no significance at all.

The result of the pronouncing of them without this reverberation will be the same as that which is obtained from the automatic associative mentation of man, namely, an increase of that in the atmosphere of our planet from our perception of which, and from its blending with our second food, there arises in us an irresistible urge to destroy the various tempos of our ordinary life somehow established through centuries.

This second exercise, as I have already said, is only preparatory; and when you have acquired the knack, as it were, of experiencing this process imagined in yourself, only then will I give you further definite real indications for the actualization in yourself of real results.

First of all, concentrate the greater part of your attention on the words themselves, "I am," and the lesser part concentrate on the solar plexus, and the reverberation should gradually proceed of itself.

At first it is necessary to acquire only, so to say, the "taste" of these impulses which you have not as yet in you, and which for the present you may designate merely by the words "I am," "I can," "I wish."

I am, I can, 
I am can. 

I am, 
I wish, 
I am wish.

In concluding my elucidations of this assisting exercise, I will once more repeat, but in another formulation, what I have already said.

If "I am," only then "I can"; if "I can," only then do I deserve and have the objective right to wish.

Without the ability to "can" there is no possibility of having anything; no, nor the right to it.

First we must assimilate these expressions as external designations of these impulses in order ultimately to have the impulses themselves.

If you several times experience merely the sensation of what I have just called the "taste" of these impulses sacred for man, you will then already be indeed fortunate, because you will then feel the reality of the possibility of sometime acquiring in your presence data for these real Divine impulses proper only to man.

And on these Divine impulses there is based for humanity the entire sense of everything existing in the Universe, beginning from the atom, and ending with everything existing as a whole—and, among other things, even your dollars.